Goodbye DC

Good Ole Honky Tonk
My last few months in DC were a mixture of work, work, school, presentations, and goodbye's. I was so incredibly fortunate to have the most amazing group of friends and so many random people that i hung out with that i had to stagger my goodbye parties in order to hang out with everyone. The hardest part of leaving was leaving all of them. It is not often that you find people that you click so easily with and i miss them so much already.

I also was able to go to Nashville to see one of my Besties! I hadn't seen Kaye since her wedding and she and i were both in desperate need of a girls weekend. She because Bobby was deployed and I because my life was insane. It was just what the Dr. ordered! Live country music, BBQ, warm summer nights and my girl..what more could i ask for :)

Yooper Girl
Somewhere in the midst of all my goodbyes and work, i squeezed in a quick trip back to the U.P. I was so happy i was able to make it back for my Friend Desi's wedding. I had been 3 YEARS since i had seen her, and hadn't even met her adorable daughter Liv! Desi is what i consider my best friend from college and i didn't want to miss her big day. Though this meant i would miss my former roommate and nursing student buddy Abby's wedding..i knew i had to be there for Desi. My college memories are primarily of our hilarious times together and she is still the girl i can call whenever i need to talk..no matter how long the time is between the conversations!

This trip also allowed me to hang out for an entire week with my absolute favorite person to be around...FAREN! Faren picked me up and was basically my taxi and travel partner for the whole week, providing her usual sense of calm, serenity and happiness. I never have a bad day around Fare-bear. Love you girl.

I was also so happy that i was able to spend a day with my other amazing friend Heather. Heather and i will go months without talking and pick up right where we left off. I love my friends to death and am so darn blessed to have all of them in my life.

I also got to see my family for a quick minute at my aunts camp in Hermits Cove. The short recluse captured a little piece of my heart as it always does. Something about being around my family and lake Superior makes me not want to go back to my every day life. :)

Cali!
After i finally said all my goodbyes and all the stress of outprocessing and packing my entire life into my brand new Xterra and moving boxes, i headed to AZ for some much needed R and R. In true Kara fashion..i was packing 3 hrs before i left for my flight at 3 am...and when i arrived in AZ i still had three papers due for my masters. :) I am a professional procrastinator! Luckily my sisters are amazing and set me up to get everything done and still have a killer time. The best part of the entire trip was getting to visit California for the first time! Spending the weekend with my Mom, and sisters Mona and Deanna in Ocean side California was a breath of fresh air. WE kayaked, swam in the surf, ate delicious dinners, and i tried stand up paddle boarding for the first time! It was a blast. I love my family so much and this vacation re-affirmed the fact once again. :)

Year in Review

So many thoughts are swirling through my head and i only hope i can put all of it into a coherent paragraph. It has been an incredible 3 years and 3 months since i joined the Air Force. I don't think i realized just how much I've changed and become my own person until i re-read all of my blog posts from the beginning...how fun for me! And so enlightening! But before i touch on that...it has been almost another YEAR since i've written and a very eventful one at that. Though most of you have probably followed it all on Facebook, i feel i should do it justice by at least summarizing the craziness. :)

13.1 Been there, done that!
I did it! I ran my half marathon with my girlfriends and had a blast the entire time. I actually enjoyed the outfit as well. When they first told me that i had to wear a blue shirt and a hot pink tutu over my running tights i was horrified...turns out it made the whole experience even better. The "princess" theme was overwhelming and every single runner had some princess aspect incorporated..we were UNDERdressed! The best part was running through the castle which is usually closed to the public. For a girl that had never been to DisneyWorld, i relished my inner child and had a blast exploring everything Disney. :) It was a much needed breather from my daily routine of work, eat, sleep, Trauma.

Cherry blossom 10 miler-take 2
Finally! From the first year i arrived in DC i knew i wanted to run in the cherry blossom 10 miler. The first year i volunteered and got an automatic entry into the next year which i wasn't able to utilize do to my heart complications. Luckily for me, Rich and I won the lottery..literally..the race lottery is highly competitive and for some reason we both got picked! We had so much fun running together, though if i'm being honest, he ran circles around me. The half marathon was amazing but my quick training resulted in a huge PAINFUL heel spur making running much more difficult. Rich didn't train at all and still managed to "jog" next to me..lol! He was amazing and i'm just glad we were able to do something like this together. Afterwards we stopped by a city hot-dog vendor to celebrate :)

New York, New York!
With Rich deploying for the second time in two years, we made a point to see each other chance we got. In true Kara style..i wanted to make it super special :) Even though i had experienced a TON in DC while living there, i still hadn't been to New York...and neither had Rich. I managed to plan an amazing trip on a budget..complete with a bus ride from DC, a military hostel, a bus tour around the city, times square, statue of liberty, empire state building, and a lazy afternoon in Central Park. It was so much fun to truly get lost and experience the city with my love!

Roughing it
In addition to New York, Rich and i wanted a little taste of nature as well. We ended up hiking Old Rag mountain..a STRENUOUS hike in the beautiful Shanendoah with my wonderful friends Tiffany and Alex. We stopped at a vineyard afterwards and tasted the best wine i've EVER had...a bottle later and dinner at the beautiful rustic resort..we slept the night in a tiny cabin overlooking the ridge. Well Rich slept. I don't know what was going on with me but i was seeing creepy shadows and lights and COULD not sleep! i had to laugh..finally i turned the lights on and made Rich wake up! hahah...this girl is such a wuss when it comes to certain things. The next day we ate an amazing breakfast overlooking the hazy blue ridge mountains and I was reminded how much fun i have with Rich...though our times are few and far between. I was so excited to introduce Rich to another of my favorite activities..horseback riding! We went on a trail ride, which in all honesty was less than stellar as i had a horse that was a bit feisty and Rich had a horse that was practically asleep! All in all ...it was a fun experience :)

Only in DC
I have had my fair share of surreal experiences in DC but this spring i had two of the most amazing opportunities. 1.) I met President Obama..shook his hand and got my picture taken with him when he visited some of the wounded warriors to hand out purple hearts. For specific reasons i can't post the pic here. 2.) I got to randomly attend the spring garden tour at the White House with my friend tiffany. It was a random spring day and we happened to be one of the limited # of people handed tickets. what an amazing experience to tour the gardens and actually be able to TOUCH the white house...and see the snipers on the roof. LOl :)

life as i know it

Wow...has it really been an entire year since i wrote last? I guess it just goes to show that i have been incredibly busy. Since there is no way that i could ever update everything in the past year, here are the highlights of whats happening right now:

TRAUMA
I see a lot of it. WAAAAAAYYYY more than i thought i would see. I work all the time, often ending up with 16 hr days due to medevacs arriving late plus a slightly ridiculous commute. Some days i feel like i've become a bit jaded as now when i read the injuries a triple amputee with frag/shrapnel/5+ woundvacs doesn't even phase me...it's expected. Pretty much all my patients are IED Blasts and though they look terrifying attached to every type of cord, machine, and monitor possible i've become incredibly comfortable with taking care of them. In a sad way, they're all the same. The brain trauma is the worst. I've seen quite a few gun shot wounds to the head and many many blast trauma head wounds where we remove most of the skull and place a catheter in the brain to drain excess cerebral spinal fluid and blood and to monitor increasing pressures. In a sick way i love the neuro patients but they are also the hardest to deal with. I can handle any patient with wounds if at the end of the day, they are still themselves....families are around 24/7 here in the ICU and it's heartbreaking to explain that their son is not going to make it or that a hand squeeze doesn't really mean that he's responsive but rather a reflex meaning his brain isn't functional. I've had some pretty rough days where i wonder why i chose/beg to have this position...days when ive had to explain to a four year old why his dad isn't responding to him...days when a neuro-surgeon tears up at the side of the bed after trying for an entire shift to stabilize the bleed in a previously responsive soldiers brain..nights where i didn't leave a patients bedside because they were to afraid to close there eyes and see the blast that took their friends over and over. Even to me, this sometimes sounds a bit melodramatic...i feel like you become slightly hardened on the inside when you deal with this day after day and must be a source of knowledge and support to grief-stricken families. Sometimes the long ride home after work is all i really need to just be alone and think...and sometimes i do lose it...usually when i least expect it..:) it's impossible to not be affected by all of it, no matter how strong i may be.

But enough with the depressing talk! For all it's stress and emotional drain, i couldn't ask for a better job. I am doing EXACTLY what i wanted to do when i joined the military and i am a far better nurse for it. Nowhere else can you see the kind of trauma and new interventions/studies than right where i'm at. So though the days are long and i feel like all i do is eat, sleep and work at times...i feel incredibly blessed and so thankful for the opportunity.

Moving on
All that being said...it's about time for a change. I've been here in DC for over 2 yrs and in the Air Force for almost three! I went to talk to my chief nurse about my next career move and i was really psyched to go to Germany. However that was out of the question at this time because i need to ground deploy and then become CCATT certified (all good things but not happening at this time). My next choice was travis afb in california as they have a new open heart cardiothoracic icu opening and lets just be honest..it's california! ;) However, that also was not in the cards d/t military considerations such as TOS (time on station). To keep it short and sweet, i was just informed by my lovely chief nurse that this AF LT is starting a new adventure in Anchorage, Alaska at the end of the Summer!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooo excited and trying to not get ahead of myself until i see my actual orders. It is quite official as of now, but as ive learned in my short military career...everything is subject to change. :)

I think i can, i think i can
In addition to my daily repertoire of "eat, sleep, work," i've decided to add "RUN" to the mix! I've been desperate to get back in shape again and really would like to enjoy running. I don't know how many races i've signed up for in the past and found an excuse not to run. Not this time! My friend Tiffany and i have been training for the Disney Princess half marathon for the past several weeks and i can finally say that i feel like i can do it! I've had a few great 8 mile runs and for the first time in my life i feel as if i could be an actual runner some day! :) Race day is fast approaching: Feb 27 and we are running through the Magic Kingdom in hot pink tutus and running tights! It will be a much needed break and i'm so excited.

In addition to the 1/2 marathon, I was INCREDIBLY lucky to win the cherry blossom lottery entry! Hundreds of thousands of runners enter a lottery to run the DC cherry blossom 10 miler every year where they shut down the streets of DC and you run around all the fabulous sights. Rich and i put our names in on a whim and both got selected! April is going to be an exciting month for us because we have both the run to look forward to and another week of just exploring DC...it will have been four months since we've seen each other last. Rich is then deploying to Qatar yet again and i will most likely be in Alaska by the time he returns. :) Our life is ever full of surprises but i wouldn't have it any other way.

Well that's the meat of it...i will try to be better with keeping everyone updated on my life in the coming months!

ramblings of a night shift worker...

I think i may have too much time on my hands. There is something so odd about working night shift, and trying to keep that same schedule even on your days off. Though a wonderful idea because you never get that exhausted feeling that even 12+hrs of sleep just can't seem to cure, it creates a strange quiet world that is slightly oppressive. Most nights, i really enjoy the peace and quiet when the rest of the world is sound asleep, but other nights it can make you feel completely alone. These nights, it's hard to stop the melancholy feeling from creeping it and your thoughts from running wild. I have a problem with a mind that just will not shut off! :) When i started this blog over a year and a half ago to document my journey joining the Air Force, i mainly meant it as a quick and easy way to update all my friends and family at once. Lately though i find that i don't bother writing as sometimes i feel as if the monotomy of my days are of little consequence or interest to myself let alone anyone else. I actually am really happy here, it just seems my life has fallen into this daily rut that nothing spectacularly awful or amazing really happens.

Does anyone really write about how they feel anymore? Facts about events and day to day living don't add up to much without an emotion behind it. I sometimes i wonder if i'm settling. I'm not sure if that's the right word actually. I have moments of satisfaction, but i never feel completely fulfilled. Perhaps that's just my nature to always strive for more/new/different but i feel as if i'm meant to do something bigger. Nursing was never my sole passion...i wasn't that girl that knew from the moment she was five that she wanted to be a nurse. I absolutely love the high that comes from an insane night of work, when i have wounded patients from suicide bombs and IEDS, soldiers that cant sleep through the night because they'll dream of horrific things i can't even imagine, and all they want to do is talk...and i can make a difference. These days i love being a nurse. But it doesn't make me happy. I don't get excited about doing my masters homework or going to work. I don't look forward to it. I realize this is a normal thing with most people. I mean who really LOVES there job? I have on more than one occassion stated that i Love my job in the past, but if i had to do it for free, i wouldn't last long. :) I feel like i always do things because it's the RIGHT thing to do. I don't do anything i don't want to do, but things like going for my masters right now....moving to be a fabulous LT...it's become the RIGHT thing to do, more so than something i'm interested in doing. For someone so frivilous and a dreamer about most things in life, i've always been practical about a career. In college, i was always tempted by the more creative studies. I loved the satisfaction of writing a fabulous article or studying amazing photography, but i would never consider getting a degree in something that didn't guarantee me a decent job afterwards. It's so easy to get caught up in a routine, that sometimes i have to sit back and think about what really makes me HAPPY. Spending time with great friends, being outside, the sound and smell of Lake Superior, the sun shining, the look in Rich's eyes when he sees me after we've been apart for awhile, taking photographs, exploring new places, drawing painting, AMAZING MUSIC, dancing in the rain, a good cup of coffee....

I believe i just may be going a bit stir-crazy after all the snow we've had dumped on us this february. Dubbed SNOWMAGGEDON/SNOWGASM, etc...by the media, the storms have made it impossible to really do anything outside and man do i miss that. Note to self: the U.P in me is much stronger than i ever imagined. Whatever the reason, i do need to make more time to actually do the little things that make me happy. Work, sleep, eat, school is quite depressing after awhile. I loved having Faren here for a weekend..such a breath of fresh air!

Well that's all for now...the random thoughts i have at 3 am....

New Year!

Birthday Girl
I'm officially 24! I had a great birthday with all of my friends here, even though i couldn't spend it with Rich. He still managed to make my day by surprising me with flowers! :) One month down! Rich has been over in Qatar for a month now, and it's going by fairly quickly. We get to talk every other day for about 15 minutes, and then it cuts off! We also get to email and 'chat' on facebook, so it's really not all that bad. I miss him like crazy though and really can't wait until he comes back in May!

I love my job! It really is very rewarding most of the time, and i'm so thankful that i'm not on my old floor! And Drumroll please......I got my critical care fellowship! I just found out this past week and should start in August, right after my deployment! I am ecstatic to be furthering my career and actually learning again! The fellowship will be in Bethesda so i can stay in my same apartment and just have a longer drive/metro ride. It's also amazing because i will literally have the worst of the worst patients from Iraq and Afghanistan so it shall be a gold-mine of knowledge (or as critical as the military gets!).

On another note...because of this, i am setting myself up for a very distinct career path. The program is a year long, generally followed by a 6 month deployment, and then a pcs (move) to a base with critical care (this is limited). Though this is alright for me, it does limit Rich's career decisions initially if he wants to live with me. And he does :) He was just offered an overseas assignment which he declined so he can hopefully get his Base of Preference of joint spouse..we'll see which comes first. Either way, i am soooo thankful for the prospect of us finally being in the same state again! :)

School is going well...slow and steady because i just can't make myself take more than one class at a time...but seeing as though i'm going to be in the military for at least another 5 years, i'm not really worried about it! :)

It is snowing here! A total winter wonderland, but i'm not loving it. Here's to hoping that february warms up!

That's all for now..love and miss you all!

Living in the moment

It has officially been a while since I've written last! Where to begin...I have been busy as usual and living my life to the fullest.

Holidays
I was so fortunate to spend the Christmas holidays with Rich. We had so much fun going to a co-workers holiday get together, enjoying the snow fall (We got over 30
inches in one night and shut the city down!) going to the national tree and just enjoying our first christmas together. It didn't feel quite like christmas normally does, but it was wonderful doing all of the normal traditions and adding some of our own. We made our first ham dinner and were also able to go to an amazing light and ice show at the Gaylord Hotel in National Harbor. We were so lucky to be able to see each other 4 times in December and again this past week and i will miss him like crazy when he leaves tomorrow morning for Qatar!

Work
-I have been busy once again with all of the different events for work. I was involved in a first ever "luncheon" organized for all of the bigwigs spouses in the wing. I was one of 3 nurses who put on the event, and ended up being coined by my commander! (Being 'coined' is a pretty cool honor..especially because my commander is fabulous and he's leaving this month!)

-I am nominated for the annual CGOC of the year award (All 2nd and 1st LT's and Captains). It is highly unlikely that i will receive it as it's pretty rare for a nurse to win..but i did plenty of bullet worthy things this year, so we'll see how well my supervisor writes my package!

-I realize some of this may be foreign to you all so i apologize...feel free to ask questions if you're at all interested! I also had the honor of eating lunch (literally at my table) with the Chief Nurse of the Air force-a two star general. She's pretty awesome, and i was so excited and motivated for my career again after speaking one on one with her!

-Remember that critical care fellowship i wasn't able to apply for? Well there was a second call for candidates, so i figured what the heck and put in my package...I still don't meet some of the Time on Station requirements but they really need critical care nurses, so we'll see...i should find out by February. If i don't get it..i am all set to start working on my flight nursing package!

-I've started my masters. I've actually only done one class so far to feel out how it would be. As usual i'm a huge procrastinator but i enjoy the research and i realize i'm probably a lot harder on myself than my professors are! Though this masters isn't a direct route for what i want to do right now..it will make me very diverse, open a lot of doors in the future, and i'm actually really interested in the subject.

DEPLOYMENT

in other news..i'm officially deployed and i love my job! Seriously! Even though i don't necessarily do a TON of patient care, the mission is worthwhile and so satisfying. It's a lot of logistics but so interesting to coordinate all the flights, missions, giving report on 35 patients to all the docs, nurses and techs from multiple hospitals, and being the first stop for injured soldiers returning from theater. It's crazy to sit back and realize exactly what i'm dealing with at times...our missions are very high-profile..obviously confidential..but in essence anything crazy that goes on in Afghanistan and Iraq that you hear about...i'm seeing the results of those attacks. Thus...we must deal with lots and lots of VIP's, generals, CIA, etc....There are times that it all feels a bit surreal (when i have the time to stop and think!). My first mission actually was the most unique one that they've ever had...our c-17 couldn't land because of high-winds..and some very high profile CCAT's having issues..they got diverted to BWI, and we had to get escorted onto a civilian flight line to pick up patients! I wish i could take pictures but it's illegal on the flight line....I absolutely LOVE It!!!!

I also have a new roommate and it's so nice to have someone around, as well as to not live completely paycheck to paycheck!

Well i think that pretty much does it for now..my life has consisted of work, work,I work, eating sleeping and Rich lately! I am so excited for the new year, for resolutions and fresh starts, and for life in general!