ramblings of a night shift worker...

I think i may have too much time on my hands. There is something so odd about working night shift, and trying to keep that same schedule even on your days off. Though a wonderful idea because you never get that exhausted feeling that even 12+hrs of sleep just can't seem to cure, it creates a strange quiet world that is slightly oppressive. Most nights, i really enjoy the peace and quiet when the rest of the world is sound asleep, but other nights it can make you feel completely alone. These nights, it's hard to stop the melancholy feeling from creeping it and your thoughts from running wild. I have a problem with a mind that just will not shut off! :) When i started this blog over a year and a half ago to document my journey joining the Air Force, i mainly meant it as a quick and easy way to update all my friends and family at once. Lately though i find that i don't bother writing as sometimes i feel as if the monotomy of my days are of little consequence or interest to myself let alone anyone else. I actually am really happy here, it just seems my life has fallen into this daily rut that nothing spectacularly awful or amazing really happens.

Does anyone really write about how they feel anymore? Facts about events and day to day living don't add up to much without an emotion behind it. I sometimes i wonder if i'm settling. I'm not sure if that's the right word actually. I have moments of satisfaction, but i never feel completely fulfilled. Perhaps that's just my nature to always strive for more/new/different but i feel as if i'm meant to do something bigger. Nursing was never my sole passion...i wasn't that girl that knew from the moment she was five that she wanted to be a nurse. I absolutely love the high that comes from an insane night of work, when i have wounded patients from suicide bombs and IEDS, soldiers that cant sleep through the night because they'll dream of horrific things i can't even imagine, and all they want to do is talk...and i can make a difference. These days i love being a nurse. But it doesn't make me happy. I don't get excited about doing my masters homework or going to work. I don't look forward to it. I realize this is a normal thing with most people. I mean who really LOVES there job? I have on more than one occassion stated that i Love my job in the past, but if i had to do it for free, i wouldn't last long. :) I feel like i always do things because it's the RIGHT thing to do. I don't do anything i don't want to do, but things like going for my masters right now....moving to be a fabulous LT...it's become the RIGHT thing to do, more so than something i'm interested in doing. For someone so frivilous and a dreamer about most things in life, i've always been practical about a career. In college, i was always tempted by the more creative studies. I loved the satisfaction of writing a fabulous article or studying amazing photography, but i would never consider getting a degree in something that didn't guarantee me a decent job afterwards. It's so easy to get caught up in a routine, that sometimes i have to sit back and think about what really makes me HAPPY. Spending time with great friends, being outside, the sound and smell of Lake Superior, the sun shining, the look in Rich's eyes when he sees me after we've been apart for awhile, taking photographs, exploring new places, drawing painting, AMAZING MUSIC, dancing in the rain, a good cup of coffee....

I believe i just may be going a bit stir-crazy after all the snow we've had dumped on us this february. Dubbed SNOWMAGGEDON/SNOWGASM, etc...by the media, the storms have made it impossible to really do anything outside and man do i miss that. Note to self: the U.P in me is much stronger than i ever imagined. Whatever the reason, i do need to make more time to actually do the little things that make me happy. Work, sleep, eat, school is quite depressing after awhile. I loved having Faren here for a weekend..such a breath of fresh air!

Well that's all for now...the random thoughts i have at 3 am....

New Year!

Birthday Girl
I'm officially 24! I had a great birthday with all of my friends here, even though i couldn't spend it with Rich. He still managed to make my day by surprising me with flowers! :) One month down! Rich has been over in Qatar for a month now, and it's going by fairly quickly. We get to talk every other day for about 15 minutes, and then it cuts off! We also get to email and 'chat' on facebook, so it's really not all that bad. I miss him like crazy though and really can't wait until he comes back in May!

I love my job! It really is very rewarding most of the time, and i'm so thankful that i'm not on my old floor! And Drumroll please......I got my critical care fellowship! I just found out this past week and should start in August, right after my deployment! I am ecstatic to be furthering my career and actually learning again! The fellowship will be in Bethesda so i can stay in my same apartment and just have a longer drive/metro ride. It's also amazing because i will literally have the worst of the worst patients from Iraq and Afghanistan so it shall be a gold-mine of knowledge (or as critical as the military gets!).

On another note...because of this, i am setting myself up for a very distinct career path. The program is a year long, generally followed by a 6 month deployment, and then a pcs (move) to a base with critical care (this is limited). Though this is alright for me, it does limit Rich's career decisions initially if he wants to live with me. And he does :) He was just offered an overseas assignment which he declined so he can hopefully get his Base of Preference of joint spouse..we'll see which comes first. Either way, i am soooo thankful for the prospect of us finally being in the same state again! :)

School is going well...slow and steady because i just can't make myself take more than one class at a time...but seeing as though i'm going to be in the military for at least another 5 years, i'm not really worried about it! :)

It is snowing here! A total winter wonderland, but i'm not loving it. Here's to hoping that february warms up!

That's all for now..love and miss you all!

Living in the moment

It has officially been a while since I've written last! Where to begin...I have been busy as usual and living my life to the fullest.

Holidays
I was so fortunate to spend the Christmas holidays with Rich. We had so much fun going to a co-workers holiday get together, enjoying the snow fall (We got over 30
inches in one night and shut the city down!) going to the national tree and just enjoying our first christmas together. It didn't feel quite like christmas normally does, but it was wonderful doing all of the normal traditions and adding some of our own. We made our first ham dinner and were also able to go to an amazing light and ice show at the Gaylord Hotel in National Harbor. We were so lucky to be able to see each other 4 times in December and again this past week and i will miss him like crazy when he leaves tomorrow morning for Qatar!

Work
-I have been busy once again with all of the different events for work. I was involved in a first ever "luncheon" organized for all of the bigwigs spouses in the wing. I was one of 3 nurses who put on the event, and ended up being coined by my commander! (Being 'coined' is a pretty cool honor..especially because my commander is fabulous and he's leaving this month!)

-I am nominated for the annual CGOC of the year award (All 2nd and 1st LT's and Captains). It is highly unlikely that i will receive it as it's pretty rare for a nurse to win..but i did plenty of bullet worthy things this year, so we'll see how well my supervisor writes my package!

-I realize some of this may be foreign to you all so i apologize...feel free to ask questions if you're at all interested! I also had the honor of eating lunch (literally at my table) with the Chief Nurse of the Air force-a two star general. She's pretty awesome, and i was so excited and motivated for my career again after speaking one on one with her!

-Remember that critical care fellowship i wasn't able to apply for? Well there was a second call for candidates, so i figured what the heck and put in my package...I still don't meet some of the Time on Station requirements but they really need critical care nurses, so we'll see...i should find out by February. If i don't get it..i am all set to start working on my flight nursing package!

-I've started my masters. I've actually only done one class so far to feel out how it would be. As usual i'm a huge procrastinator but i enjoy the research and i realize i'm probably a lot harder on myself than my professors are! Though this masters isn't a direct route for what i want to do right now..it will make me very diverse, open a lot of doors in the future, and i'm actually really interested in the subject.

DEPLOYMENT

in other news..i'm officially deployed and i love my job! Seriously! Even though i don't necessarily do a TON of patient care, the mission is worthwhile and so satisfying. It's a lot of logistics but so interesting to coordinate all the flights, missions, giving report on 35 patients to all the docs, nurses and techs from multiple hospitals, and being the first stop for injured soldiers returning from theater. It's crazy to sit back and realize exactly what i'm dealing with at times...our missions are very high-profile..obviously confidential..but in essence anything crazy that goes on in Afghanistan and Iraq that you hear about...i'm seeing the results of those attacks. Thus...we must deal with lots and lots of VIP's, generals, CIA, etc....There are times that it all feels a bit surreal (when i have the time to stop and think!). My first mission actually was the most unique one that they've ever had...our c-17 couldn't land because of high-winds..and some very high profile CCAT's having issues..they got diverted to BWI, and we had to get escorted onto a civilian flight line to pick up patients! I wish i could take pictures but it's illegal on the flight line....I absolutely LOVE It!!!!

I also have a new roommate and it's so nice to have someone around, as well as to not live completely paycheck to paycheck!

Well i think that pretty much does it for now..my life has consisted of work, work,I work, eating sleeping and Rich lately! I am so excited for the new year, for resolutions and fresh starts, and for life in general!